She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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