I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize