I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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