Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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