i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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