Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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