I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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