hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They have beer where we have blood.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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