Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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