I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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