So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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