she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The power of my boobs compel you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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