playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize