I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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