i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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