she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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