my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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