Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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