im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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