He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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