How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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