i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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