Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize