I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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