I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize