dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize