Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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