I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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