Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
should my penis look like a turkey
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize