i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize