hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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