sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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