hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize