just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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