that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize