If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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