naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize