I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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