he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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