if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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