Plan B is the new Plan A
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize