just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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