Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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