this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize