VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
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Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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