I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize