U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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