he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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