if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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