Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize